Yes I get medication now...

This past weekend, even though I have three days off instead of two, was not nearly long enough. I had a mountain of homework (most I got done), various hobbies project(barely got any done), and sleep, I did not get nearly as much sleep as I would have liked.
Well anyway to get to the main subject of my self pity rant for today; last week I was issued by my therapist to go seek medication for my depression. I had told her some things and personally I felt she blew it way out of per portion by calling in her supervisor(she's a "student" still I guess) and making me a suicidal prevention plan if I felt an on come of the issues I had be telling her. So what worries me the most about her wanting me to get on meds, is my parents finding out. They have never known, and I have never planned on telling them. See, my father is emotionally distant and it has increases ten fold since starting college, and my mother demeans and tells me my worries are nothing compared to her worries or the issues of my brother and sister. Every time I've ever opened up to her, she has to lecture me and tell me my worries and fears and pain is worthless and unimportant. So I don't tell them anything anymore, the less they know the better in most cases.
Well today I went to the physiatrist and got a persricption for meds. Fun yeah? They are cheap and like 4$ at walmart so hopefully I don't need to tell my parents.
 Talk at ya later
Bri

Stress Be-GONE! I demand it....

Soc exam DONE. Ochem exam DONE. 3 page paper BEEN DONE. Abstract for bio writing class DONE. Ochem lab DONE. Fucking hell the stress is slowly melting away, however, there are still some major projects I need to do before the end of the week. To yell at you some more, I still have to write up my ochem lab, study for an ecology quiz, and write up a reading response, all before Friday. And this pile is nothing compared to the mountain I have to conquer this weekend. At least the roommate is leaving for the 3 day weekend, and maybe I can actually get some shit done unlike last weekend.
To dive into my annoyance for last week, let tell you about how it all went. Friday started out like any other Friday. Small annoyances added up throughout the day, and lead to a near explosion later that night. In more detail of my annoyances, with the addition of the three previously mentioned females that always urk me with just living, there is a male, in my archaeology class. This BOY so freaking retarded, loud, talkative and never shuts the FUCK UP! When he isn't annoying the teacher and me with his stupid remarks and questions, he's HUMMING! Loud enough to clearly hear him, and it happens WHILE THE TEACHER IS TALKING! While he's talking.... I so wanted to turn around and punch the fucking moron. But I always hold back, always I keep my mouth shut and let these dumb asses make their dumb ass remarks. Sometimes I wonder if I just snap and let them have it, will I feel better? Would it be worth it? Would they get it through their thick skulls?
I don't know. I want to find out, but those consequences, they worry me. I don't want to be arrested or expelled.
I'm tired now, thanks for reading, if you are.
Talk at ya later
Bri

1:17 in the morning

Well I spent most of my night actually being productive, even got food at Walmart with the roomie. I officially hate organic chem. It is draining on so much of my memory. But at least I'm going to hit the hay for a few hours before my first class.
But before I pass the fuck out I want to give a more or less secret thank you to my boyfriend Bryan. For staying up with me, being so cute and sweet lately, and being everything I ever wanted or needed in a guy. You may never read this, but I love you so much. You have been so much good and happiness in my life.
To the rest of you, peace, kill babies, raid porn sets, hug your cat/dog or both, and I'll talk at ya later.
Bri

First blog; Stress Relief

I don't know why I want to start this blog. I have seen several friends with blogs, and recently started one strictly about my plans on studying abroad (check link in sidebar). But I thought I could start something unrelated on this site, to maybe cope with some issues I have been having as of late, to vent a little without worry of friends being annoyed or being an emotional burden to my boyfriend. 

I'l start venting for today's events and see how this goes. I woke up tired, as perusal during the week, and my wishes for a hot shower were not granted, damn fucking piping in his apartment. Normal Tuesday morning for me I guess, had some left of cheesy bread from pizza the other night and watched one of my favorite vloggers, The Amazing Atheist, on you tube. All in all fine. My Ecology 372 class went well, except for my normal issue; there are three young women in both this class and my Ochem 345 class, all of them drive me up the wall, and I have a class with them EVERY FUCKING day. Two of them are friends, so they like to talk, but their conversations are so superficial and conceded, I wish I could punch some sense into their thick skulls. The other woman, though she seems nice, asks the most moronic questions, and has to have a statement on everything the professor says. I get so urk-ed by these people, and they are just a tip of the ice-burg of annoying people in my life.

Continuing on, today as every Tuesday this semester I have been going to therapy for anxiety and depression (mostly depression). And for anyone that knows me, they might be shocked at this statement. The "happy, loud, silly, hyper girl" is depressed? Yes I am and have been for roughly four or five years. I started therapy to get help with test anxiety, but it has led to something more, and apparently these people want me to actually fix this darkness I've had living in the back of my mind. Today I discussed my more recent fears and the self-harming and suicidal thoughts to my therapist today. I had hopped it would have been just a normal session, but no, she had to go on and try to "help". And now they want me to try medication for my depression. That's the last thing I need right now. I have two exams tomorrow, and several projects due tomorrow, and I do not need all this crap that people keep loading onto me today.

The final straw of today's misadventures was my OChem lab, because someone fucked up one of the reactants, several other people and I had fucked up results and had to restart the ENTIRE lab over again. I wanted to literary kill people, babies, mothers, anyone I could get my hands on. Luckily I ran into a friend at the bus stop headed home. I ranted a little to her and it felt better.

Now I sitting here finishing this first real blog up, I'm not sorry it ran a little long. I feel a bit better after writing this, getting all my stress out on to the internet. I don't know who will read this, I don't plan on openly share this on Facebook or anything. But maybe a friend sees this and maybe someone someday understands how I feel, and why I am the way I am.

For now, I have to get back to my school work and studying for my exams.

Talk at ya later.

Bri